A Sad Ending To My 10 Days in KL..

n the past 3 days, God blessed me with the most meaningful conversations , sharings & prayer with some real special people in my life. I learnt that the christian faith is about being able to question God, to fail & to ask ourselves hard questions.....but ultimately, still hanging on & following Him...

To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace. It is only through grace that any of us dare to hope that we could become more like Christ. - Brennan Manning

Days seem like weeks....weeks seem like months...months seem like years...such is the life of one who is constantly in need of the courage from God to walk this road people call "the narrow road" - such is my life. I am humbled daily. Everything I feel I'm getting there with God...He breaks me even more and brings me to a new level of taking away a canvas that is still very much embroided in the "me" rather that in the "Him".

Greg, Yu Chun & JON especially - you have taught me that being a "shithead" is alright & you are with me fighting the same kind of battles & asking the same kind of questions & being broken at the same time by a God who loves us. You guys are my pride & joy - its been a good few months sharing scars & embarrassing moments! I hoped you 3 nutcases had fun tonight without me at the Malaysian Idol Finals held at the Genting Arena of Stars!! Argh...!

My family especially my mom & dad have never been so closely knitted to me these few days - God, I thank you for restoring a long desired close relationship with my parents & for giving all of us insights to each other's lives. I am honoured to know mom & dad have released me into the next year though with anxiety but with a portion of faith so great that God will be there every step of the way because this is the work He has called me into for this particular season of my life. To those of you who feel you can't communicate with your parents or you just can't seem to relate - hear this from me - you've not lost it! I've always felt that my parents do not understand me & blame that on the fact that I've been away overseas etc or that they just don't know me enough & they think they know what is best for me. THIS IS RUBBISH!! God refutes that thought! God convicted my heart this past few weeks about this issue & He dealt with it. He made me deal with it. I needed alot of prayer & courage & the Holy Spirit's anointing. The first step was the hardest, but I survived. It starts when we DAER to have open communication by taking the time to sit down & tell them things. They really want to know! Try it....and you see a whole new dimension of life - this time with a bigger perspective not just your own perspective!

I am leaving KL in a couple of hours, feeling a little heavy hearted & sad because I am going to a place where I will potentially have to conquer lonely days, financial strains, insecurity, pride & discouragement! Yes, I am going to be OUT of my comfort zone without my church, my family & close friends...All I can take with me is GOD and that is enough!

I was listening to this song by Mercy Me and I remember Greg writing once about this song being a "homesick song!" .

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

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Homesick - my spiritual home with the Lord & my physical home back in the lovely nation of Malaysia - Oh Tanahair ku!

Grieve not because I understand not life's mystery; but behind the veil is concealed many a delight!

Lord, give me the strength to run...only in obedience to you!

Jet-setting moment now....i will have only 1 and a half hours of sleep...All my bags are finally packed & I'm ready to go...

P.S I hv put in my Malaysian Idol vote for Jaclyn Victor though I'll be on the plane when the results are announced later!! Yipee!