Choosing God's Best

In the recent week and days, I've learnt many important truths about human relationships. From the shores of Malaysian, Singapore and UK, my friends have spoken to me about their relationships (matters of the heart) and its complexities.

God spoke to me about my own life and how I viewed the issue.

Hence, as someone told me to share my thoughts on multiply this morning and since I was woken up from bed because of it, I will just pen down my perspective on the subject. Most of you may not agree, but here'€™s something for my buddies who have wondered why I said the things I said to them and for those of you who share my sentiments.

My opening statement sums it all- Choosing God'€™s Best.

Girls, I guess all of us think a guy will be attracted to beauty. So we unconsciously and mistakenly believe that our worth lies in the way we look. That'€™ s so not true. Of course, most books will tell you that a first point of attraction is always found in a person'€™s outer beauty. Well, I disagree so strongly. Inner beauty is a rare jewel and a rare gem. If a guy can love you because he sees how much you glow inside, be sure he also sees the glow outside. That'€™s the way it works :P (Read Song of Songs).

Hmmm, there is some convoluted fact that I was talking to a friend about a few hours ago about the issue of submission. Christian guys, erm..ok most guys lar , want a girlfriend or wife that is submissive. Granted. Even the bible talks about that. The one common problem is a guy's or a girl'€™s understanding of submission. Girls, submission isn'€™t about doing everything the guy tells you. It isn't about accepting everything he says and agreeing all the time blindly. That is NOT submission. If a guy expects that of us, boy, then who are we really?? Doesn'€™t what we say, who we are, what we do even matter? Submission is about the attitude of one'€™s heart. The true marks of submission in a girl can be discovered by looking at the way her attitude of submission is when it comes to God. The Christ like person will always have an attitude of submission that has no element of arrogance or pride. So even in the times if she does not agree with you, it doesn'€™t mean she doesn'€™t submit to you - because her heart is always going to be one that seeks the best for you- she is interested in the person and not her own ambition. When we seek our own ambition, we fail at submission. My cousin Jon once shared that submission = under a mission (hence the word "€œsub"€ which means under). The mark of submission (is when we know what our mission is eg. in the context of a relationship) = true servanthood, a sacrifice of self will, synergy (strength to flow together), safety and success. Guys, don'€™t look for girls who say yes to you all the time. Girls, don'€™t think that by saying yes all the time, the guy will love you more. Understand the essential process of submission first streams down from God himself. Submission is about an attitude of the heart.

Guys, courtship is not about doing everything in your ability to impress the girl. True courtship is when you know you don’t have to impress the girl at all and she loves you. She accepts the person you are regardless of the number of flowers and gifts you shower her or how good you are as a leader or how prominent you are as a person or how confident you are in speech. She must fall in love with the person not the facade. When you have finally won the girl'€™s heart, then you can start with the gifts, the extra tender care, the great lengths in cheering her up, the act of showing her how much you appreciate her. Love is not defined by the number of things you do for another person so that she will love you.

Christians always say the same thing : My life partner must love God and must be godly. Hmm, I stand corrected here because I used to believe that. Now, I would say my life partner must know how to love God and love me. Its pointless to have some real terrific guy who really loves God but doesn't love you. A guy who truly loves God, a guy who really experiences intimacy with God will know how to love you. Perhaps yeah, you find someone with the same fervour for God, you find someone with the same dreams and passion about God'€™s work and you find someone who is always going to be serving God. But is that really enough? What about the times he or she isn'€™t doing those things? Like minded people are not that difficult to find. You just look at any leader and you will find them godly. Does that mean they are the right husbands or wives for you?

But, I've been thinking and looking at the way my dad and my mom relate to each other and the way my senior pastor and his wife relate to each other. After years of marriage, what is it that really holds them together? It is the love for God and thru that the love for each other. They aren'€™t perfect people. They are the only ones who know each other'€™s strength and weaknesses. They compliment each other – that’s the secret. Its not necessarily finding someone who is a mirror image of yourself – at least I don'€™t think so. Complimenting each other is of the highest order for me. I look at these people , my parents and my pastors – my dad'€™s weaknesses are my mom’s strengths and vice versa. The very things my mom does so well is the very thing that gives fuller weight to the person my dad is in all he does and in who he is. Their synergy makes them a great team as parents and even in their ministries (not necessarily in the context of a church but as a life) They fulfil each others potential together!

Your partner should and must be able to love God more than you and love you more than others!

I unapologetically believe that our life partner must be able to connect with us at all levels. By that I don'€™t mean similar interests. By that I mean, there must be a meeting of the mind, the soul and the heart. Can he or she accept/live with the worse as well as the best of you? Can you talk to him or her about every other thing in the world and he/she will still understand you? Do you think that he or she makes you a better person and makes you believe in yourself more? Is he or she your BEST friend (not one of your best friends)? Do you believe the best about him or her all the time? Does he or she know when you need time to yourself, why you think the way you do and act the way you do?

A relationship where one is intertwined with God and each other in the mind, soul and heart is one that is really God ordained.

I've realised and accepted this one truth I believe in : God has chosen the best for us. So just as there is this someone who is the BEST for us, YOU are someone's BEST as well. Ain'€™t that great? I am someone'€™s BEST!

These days we find that the right guy and right girl are hard to come by so we settle for someone that is somewhat close to that right guy or girl. A relationship we are in or a relationship that we thought could have been may not have worked out and we wonder how could it be. Well, the answer is simple : Our God doesn’t want us to play second fiddle to someone else’s best. Our God doesn’t want us to have anything less than the best because His Best for us truly completes us.

Many people asked me this week about one's journey in a relationship or marriage. I don’t have a clue because I think every individual and every relationship is unique for each person. I guess my answer stems from this belief I hold on to – that the discovery of the truths of working things through and out when you are in a relationship is the best preparation for a lifetime of marriage cos you are going to marry the person for his or her totality - from the very worst to the very best! If you can handle that in a relationship and it is securedly tested, you will know true love. There is not a part of you that you keep away from each other until you tie the knot but before you do, you already know that it is the totality of the person you want to spend your life with.

So, is there a joy in waiting? Yes , absolutely.

How do you know there is joy in waiting and what encouragement is there in waiting?

• You know you are not complacent
• You know you are not confused
• You know you are not cranky
• You know it is God's choice
• You know it is in God'€™s control
• You know it is in God'€™s completion
• You know it is the best conclusion

What is your encouragement then?
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future!

So what do you do in the mean time?
Invest your time in things that are eternal not temporal. Lay hold of them and uncover the treasures of the kingdom and uncover the character of your being.

The art of waiting is an element of the art of living!

Now, my dear buddy in London, do you understand why I said what I said? =)

And yes, we will all be ready for a relationship when the right time and right person comes. God doesn'€™t short change us. He is no one'€™s debtor!

With that, I'€™ll put a closure to my two weeks of real and honest chats with people who have given me this privilege in sharing in their journey in this area of their life. Thank you for trusting me and for allowing God to show me through you just how wonderful a God we have-€“ a God of only the BEST not the good!