Thursday, August 23, 2007

Drama Continues and my low day..

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
~Ashleigh Brilliant~

My mystery condition as it is noted, concerns a trauma caused by a chair which developed into a haematoma - and now recorded as an "unusual blood" phenomena condition after the blood tests results came out.

the drama continues....and more blood and more hospital visits for me the last 2 days...I am tempted to engage michael moore to do a documentary on this really...

but do pray that i will take what these doctors say seriously too, and not make light of it. i do feel okay but i know i'm not exactly 100% yet, and I have dizzy spells.

ahh...more rest i know.

Its been a slow few days trying to pick up on work and emails. And i am grateful for the timely texts to remind me to go slow and pace myself. I've also been thinking alot about what foundations are about. So I looked up some info on building structures and processes. I guess am asking God to help me grow in the way I handle the Word of God, and how can I actually build my foundations on the word for my cell and for the ministry I'm involved in. My dream is to see each person loving the word so much, being able to handle it with such authority, and thereafter to teach it and teach others to teach it. I dream to see a culture that is so in love with the Word of God, that ultimately we can say "preach it brother or preach it sister". I guess in my own life I feel the lack of nurturing i this area, and I've also often asked myself how much am I learning with passion. Am I teaching with authority and favour? Am I handling it correctly?

On the other hand, I know I also need to be watchful these days not to quench the work of the spirit in my life. Its so easy for me to not notice God as I try and plan things, and do things with my ability and capacity rather than allow God the room to work within my core - that means each day I walk in total dependence on Him, and zero dependence on what I know and what I can do.

So yesterday I was thinking about this on my ride in the tube. I held back from playing with my DS, and decided to just ask myself some rhetorical questions. What does the Lord require of me?

As I walked into Westminster Chapel for my coffee time with GH, I didn't really feel in the mood to talk or to meet up. I guess I was already there and he was expecting me since he rang me the day before to check if I was still gonna come in for our second coffee time together.

I waited in this room as he was in a meeting, and I saw a verse written on the white board in front of me 2 Tim 2:15. That's all that was on the board. I didn't know what the verse was, so decided to take out my bible and look it up. I sincerely believe this was the answer to the question I was thinking about earlier once I saw those words of 2 Tim 2:15 which states "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth" I re-read it and memorised it on the spot and took it as an encouragement that what I've been feeling about the foundations of the word etc is something I must pursue with vigour and with discipline.

My coffee time with G was as usually very insightful. When R, his wife popped in to say hi, she really challenged me to rethink about the issue of career and calling (it was our topic of the day) See, alot of pastors and full time people have told me, I need to see working for church and what I do in church/ministry etc as my career and flow in it. But what R said was so profound. She said that she never even once saw or thought of it as a career because it can't be. When you serve God, work for church etc, it is a CALLING. That is all it is. Its not another job or career or work. It is a call. There is no goals or targets and no planning. God is the one that steers each step of the way, daily. No such thing as short term and long term goals. You just don't think of it. G was laughing and quite worried I chose the word "career" when I was contemplating and in a time of dialogue with them. I now understand why after reflecting..

G later spoke to me alot about his own journey and the desire of having a holistic ministry approach to our lives and to church. And the time with him, I think I felt like man, there is so much of the bible I need to know and its context. In that short time with him, I was well nurtured and fed. G prayed for me, to be always able to exercise the truth, and preach the truth of Scripture and one thing, that stuck out was that he prayed that God will bring human confirmation to me that the decisions I am about to make will be the one HE so chooses. Like G said to me, you already made up your mind more than you think. Even he could tell where my heart was when we were talking and how God has led me.

Coming out of WC, I was on the way to St James Park when J called, and I decided to pop by Emmanuel Church to catch up with him since I was in the area. Was nice to be in EEC again, my sis church in London. Chatted with him in his office about missions, and how so much is being said and done about missions but engaging personally ourselves and encouraging others to go seems like the tougher thing. People will give to missions. They'll come to mission conferences. But getting a team to go, who will actually commit to go is so tough. In that time with J, he encouraged me so much that I'm in the right place at this season. I needed that encouragement so much because lately alot of people have been telling me to reconsider church wise, job wise, country wise even. I know in my heart there can be so much confusion especially with so many factors to consider with the upcoming changes in my life. And I'm grateful for whatever encouragement I get these days from people who believe in the God who believes in me.

T also has been feeling the same conviction about the way we teach the word in cell and I am glad he rang me yesterday to speak to me about how we do not want to confine ourselves to a list of question on the study material we've been asked to do, but to really teach the word and allow an avenue for our members to grow, learn and ask questions about the God we believe in. Thankful for such a kindred co-leader, whose also one of my dearest friends here in London. Only sad thing abt him is that he's an avid arsenal fan! yucks!

Cant wait for the weekend. Weather is meant to be better...I'm becoming random again

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