Inspired..

One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.
~Norman Vincent Peale~

For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. (Psalm 57:10)

For the past 4 months, I've been reading The Msg bible edited by Eugene Patterson. I guess initially when I first read some pages of it a few years back, I failed to appreciate or see it as God's word aka "The proper bible". To my own amazement, I've been richly blessed by it these last few months! I recommend it if you're looking for a drop of freshness and perspective in the Word!

This past 2 weeks have been dramatic, in more ways than another (which I will blog abt when the fury of it all has settled in) This 2 weeks have also been inspiring in nature -people, emails, movies, books & conversations. As someone I know would say, its "divine appointments"!

I've been reading a book entitled "Preach the Word", a collection of sermons (talks) by some of the most anointed speakers of the christian pulpit ministry of our current day and age. It is a book I've heard someone talked abt previously, but never really felt it was something I'd pick up (as I prefer listening to sermons then reading them!) and a book that cost quite a bit to purchase. In any case, it was not something I made an effort to look out for when I walk into the bookshop. So, how did a 600 page thick book which I wasn't hunting out for fall into my possession?? I'd say very miraculously! I have 2 signed copies of it given to me by the editor himself sitting on my shelf right now - and all this due to a conversation about emerging churches and postmodernistic myths, my time at KT and a casual chat about law 3 months ago in the verandah of Uncle VM's house in Singapore. Albeit, receiving an email asking me over for coffee and a chat came as a surprise, let alone who it came from and what I got from it :) Indeed, I felt blessed and am in awe of the way God works in bringing people together!

The book - it is a gem for anyone who loves the word of God. Such a wow. I think the question GH asked, which stood out for me was " What makes a good sermon?" and you have the likes of people like David Pawson talk about his style of preaching that have needed to evolve over the years. There is also an entire section on the anointing of God and preaching for a response by preachers like Colin Dye, and following on from that very practical section on nuts and bolts of preparing sermons and connecting with the real world from the wisdom of GH himself, Mike Pivallachi, Jeff Lucas. Of course not forgetting preaching of the unity of the churches and evangelism through the insights of Joel Edwards, John Stott, J John. And overall loads more expositors of our time - very uplifting read!

Movies - Transformers being my favourite so far, I went to see it again( after watching it in Spore already!) Bumped into an old college mate who grabbed the seat next to me "alone". Heck, I was also alone watching it as I was doing a talk on it, so didn't mind but if not, being in a theatre alone can raise one or two eyebrows! We exchanged some casual small talk and then I asked her out for coffee after it ended. Of course, I am sure you can guess we'd be talking about the movie and I think I probably took it too far by going into the impact and relevance of it all in todays world etc. Then she began talking to me about her movie therapy and the previous 7 movies she has seen on her own. So, yeah I wasn't sensitive enough to see her felt need and it just din occur to me she wasn't okay. Pretty bad. I thought, Val, you oblivious nutcase!! What a bad listener you are! Stop thinking of things to do with the movie and the talk you are preparing for the youth service!

She's just been through some womanhood issues and relationship roller coaster. This was the first non romantic/ chick flick she has seen out of the 7 simple because she was looking for something different that day. Her ideal of being that "wife" or that loved person and just developing as a woman was ruined as I found out because of some guy who had been playing her up and down like an emotional wreck and giving false expectation etc - the usual non committal kinda guy type (sorry, shd not stereotype!) I guess, these days maybe some guys just don't take into consideration the way the heart of girls are - that they are delicate. And maybe some guys I know esp are just desperate enough to develop a kind of false intimacy through msn, facebook and email relationships and they like teasing girls and forming friendships take make them feel comfortable, then decide or maybe this girl but just a few months back maybe it was that girl - whoever tends to their sense of inner boyishness of that particular moment in time , then the guy just lets loose without realising some girls are too nice to notice this hidden agenda in them! Like what C said to me recently - man nowadays, you've got grown men dating some young lashes because they take advantage of their years of experience and stories to tell that interests young lashes who have not lived as long and are looking for that sense of maturity as they develop as girls. C is right, girls develop faster so any form of wisdom and insight from older people do interest us and we do enjoy listening and we do think "eh, that person seems to connect and know me?" but is it true? or is it because they have been there at that age before? I really dunno..Let C the expert tell us! But there are some exceptional guys I know too, who would never take advantage and are are watchful of the way they conduct themselves (hardly the teasing flirting type of conversations! there are more proper ways of courting and communication!)

So my poor friend asked me this question,what is it like to be a wife? What kinda wife do you want to be? She directed them as I had guessed to me. So we talked about womanhood, and the way we are made. I personally have learnt through the mistakes i have made as well in my development and security as a woman, and of course through understanding my core first - that being a wife is no joke! But the first step at least for me to ask myself is what I know in my capacity of how God made me can I give to my husband in how God made him. That is the uniqueness. And I know what as God grows me in my capacity is really echoing proverbs 31. That is my daily prayer as the Lord prepares me for marriage.

I thank God I've had this year to re-visit womanhood and to think about and talk openly of girl issues with older women and be brave enough to also equip myself along the way in such things so I can fully better understand the way I am made.

Specifically I shared Proverbs 31 with my friend, and I told her for me the greatest honour is really to be able to release my husband to do whatever God has called him to do, and support him. Because in the first place, the only reason I know why we are in that relationship is because God wants us to be together (no matter what I think even!) And I don't have to worry about any security issues of my relationship with my husband cos what God brings together is His will, and I don't really need to care about my girlie insecurity of how much the guy spends time with me at home, or shower me with anything etc. Guess I've learnt the ultimate security in myself is truly in Christ first, including that of marriage. I dunno how much she agreed with me but this was how I felt. Before, I used to worry so much about what if my boyfriend or husband loves another girl at the same time or has feelings for another person. But the last few months, I've learnt so much about how the security of any relatiosnhip first starts with whether I am secure myself in christ, and in my relationship with my husband, all i need to know is that God wants us be together that;s all the security I need. Its not just ultimately one man giving you security. It is first you being secure.

So hence, my friend said - "you sound like life is so simple for you". She prob doesn't know me, hence she said that. I think my friends won't call me simple. They think I am nuts cos I'm abit weird. When I mentioned that I want to be a wife that is able to understand the person she marries - that means to be able to study and understand the way he functions and works. As in know when to say what and when not to say, and what he needs - with all the pampering etc, I think she was surprised cos she never took me seriously. I guess I never realised the sacredness of our conversation led me to share with her that I truly believe for me personally I'd really want to be a wife to my husband that releases him in who He is to do that which God has called him to do. I don't feel is a sacrifice but an honour that the person God gave me is the very person He is using for his glory (see Prov 31)

Then of course, we talked about chores and all..and when I said yeah cleaning and cooking, think she fell off her chair cos well i'm known to not do such things to my friends at college! They think I'm kinda spoilt and posh. Thank God I've learnt to cook since and even learn to operate a vacumn and make my own bed and do laundry! :) I guess I would enjoy doing it if it was for my husband :) And its kinda cool I think too to be able to have him come home to something nice and comfy!

And I believe that I discovering a man with exceptional qualities suited for me and knowing my core, is a life long process because I believe he will have the qualities of a great husband.
Guess to me the element of doing things together as a family is important. I see that in the lives of the people who have inspired me.

Her final question, "so what is one of things you want your husband to show you he loves you and how will you know he loves you? " Good one...Erm, I told her that I think the one way I know he loves me is to know that he will not neglect talking to be about my growth in God and together, we will both grow and develop in the areas God has called us to. It may be a season for me to just look after the family, and if that is what God has called me to do during that time as my service for Him, I'm more than happy. But yeah, I think I guess for me - my husband must be the one leading the family unit and provide direction, and also in a sense leading me to recognise my areas of weakness, strengths and my intimacy with God won't be compromised. Thats how I know he loves me.

Well, coffee took 3 hours that day!! I was so inspired when I saw how forgiving she was to this guy and how though she was hurting she knew that she needed a way out. She wasn't bitter. She wasn't angry. Not anymore. Just confused about herself and her ideals and life because it all came crumbling down because of this guy. I am inspired to see my dear friend from school telling me at the end, just how amazing God is in making us bump into each other and allowing us to have coffee. And at the end of it, I am thankful my friend allowed me to pray for her. Think to quit her job over this , lose weight , not being able to sleep is serious and I am praying for this guy whoever he is that he wont do it to another girl. She's in my 100k blessing log :) And, I think through this journey, I believe God is working in her and giving her complete inner peace and restoration!

So these 2 divine appointments have really been a highlight and a defining moment in my time life (stole this term from jono!) Been so blessed by just the way God orchestrates things that truly I need to say this with so much conviction that GOD IS IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING!

More later on my dramatic scary week..