A Day Of Contemplation

My saturday was spent indoors, at home - most of the time in my room. I guess for the first time in 5 weeks since Austria, I managed to dish up time to just spend the day in solitude. It is good..I highly recommend it!

Thinking about the word "character". Perhaps, most people view that as merely just our personality or the way we behave...I'm somehow challenged to go deeper. Why?

Well, last nite at cell, we were thinking and sharing about commitment & priorities during word. Can't begin to really say how authentic and real everyone was in opening up their most vulnerable spots ..and i'm so proud and encouraged by Mey Shyuan, my cell leader who started the ball rolling by first setting the example through her sharing..It was amazing because it set the tone - that in cell, we can be honest, we can share openly and we're all there to learn together & grow together - and that in this cell, no one is better or more spiritual than the other!

99% of us in cell hv just return to KL for less than a year after studying abroad - all in a state of transition & change - all in the midst of battling it out there in the working world - all in the place where our faith is constantly challenge & our beliefs questioned - all in a time where our generation is slowly losing its outlook on God. Yes, we're all part of this generation X in the year 2004 where life can seem like a very scribbly picture because most people our age are living life on the fast track - its a race - for power, status, fame, money, success..the minute u stop thinking about your work & the desire to build a solid career, u lose out, u fall back and u are faced with the potential of being called a LOSER or a FAILURE.

50% of us put our priorities down as God and the other 50% who I salute for being so brave put down priorities as Self and Work/Career. However, the 50% of people who put God first, ranked Work/Career second..then someone commented that usually there is a cross over between work & God because GOd becomes our priority on a Friday and Sunday basis, but not on the other days...I guess the next question to really ask is where does our commitment to priorities take us...how committed we are to a certain priority will shape the end result of us..

I started thinking real hard and my dear cousin Jon, pricked me further by saying u know - how do we resolve to want to grow in our commitment to our priorities especially if most of us want to grow in the Lord - to grow in our walk with Him?

For me, I believe we must firstly have the WILL to one to do something about our priorities if we have got them wrong, then purpose it in our heart to commit to the right priority. In Romans 12 v 2, Paul talks about the renewing of our mind.. We must attain the heighten state of mind ( pyschologist shd know this!)

But you know, take this a step further ...and perhaps like Jon and myself, we need to also acknowledge that we cannot do it on our own. We need to reach a point of brokeness - whereby we cannot do it on our own strength and just cry out to God - Lord, I really cannot do this. Please help me. It takes alot of courage for people like me to say that and I'm challenged by the Lord to be able to humble myself and aknowledge that I am WEAK...yes, I am a weak being. God, teach me, guide me, fill me, mould me as I lay my life at Your feet.

So, how can a being like me survive in a world like ours today? Will I be able to impact lives? Will I be able to stand strong when I have a bad week or a bad day? WIll I be able to deal with difficult things that come my way or criticism that hits me hard? Will I be able to take itwhen everyone around me misunderstands me?Will I be able to handle loneliness when no one seems to be there for me ? Will I be able to still say like Job, Yet Will I Still Praise Him?

To be plain honest...I don't really know...

Character....how do we build character?? I am still thinking...and I am still learning..But one thing I know, brokeness & humility is key! Pride and self has to go out the front door!

Yes, my priority is to build character and discipline in all areas of my life at this point in my life. I know I'm gonna still make tonnes of mistakes & will fail in many areas but I know God is going to be there every step of the way because in our weakness, His strength is made perfect in us.

Hence, the end of my journal entry for now...Its church tomorrow & I'm feeling abit edgy about things & seeing people. Don't really understand why. Maybe its just my emotions...or mere anxiety. My God is good. I'm there to worship Him not for others...Its all about Him. Must remember that!

Nite nite!