In My Kip

I entered a war zone in the last couple of days...

It was a endless tiring battle. Neither was there a clear winner. I could see it all happening before my very eyes. And finally, the germs gave in to the antibodies. The virus was defeated by the power of extra strong lozenges and vitamins. The body aches gave way to the prescribed forced but much needed rest in bed.

So, thank you my dear friends who have been praying for me. And thank you too to my dear friends who threatened to stay away from me unless I get better save for those very brave ones :P

Lord, you knew I needed this few days of solitude. I am grateful that You have helped me work through and think through many things. Thank you for that wisdom from above. It has been good for my soul. Restoring within me that quietness and in it I found strength. Oh, how lovely it is.

Part of my thoughts are as follows ( forgive the non organisational manner it is in - I'm not 100% fully recovered yet!)

I know many who are going through rough patches in their personal and spiritual life. I see more who I don't personally know who are destitute and hurt. I read about daily occurences of domestic violence, spiritual debates, lost hope and tragedy. I can sense that "Oh God, what is life all about?" mentality more often than not just by small observations. I feel for them. Yes, I feel for them.

Back in November I stoop to one of my lowest points in my own life. People tried to comfort me but was it comfort I needed or did I need an answer to the big WHY question more? Did I even know what I needed? After weeks of wrestling, I discovered through experiential learning and a broken spirit and one of my most valuable treasure yet. (See previous multiply entries of 2004)

My experience truly showed that, when life is pretty much stripped away, one will not fail to ask one self this question " what is it that keeps me goin?" Or maybe even now, when we are doodling in our daily activities.

" And now these three will always remain : Faith, Hope & Love" Sounds vaguely familiar? Its from the Bible - 1 Cor 13. The strength of our faith, hope and love keeps us going. More so, I have learnt that the more pertinent question to ask is "Who or what is my source?" Many will agree with me that the strength of our faith, hope and love keeps us going, even people who aren't Christians. I find that we have a very caring, generous and compassionate world society. It is in tragedy that we see world powers, countries and people coming together in one heart - all giving each other strength to find faith, hope, love. Its an eyeful and its moving. But...there is still a missing piece of the puzzle - is it important that we know who/ what our faith is, who/what we put our hope in, where is the love coming from? What is the REAL SOURCE?!

There are many nice and wonderful people and organisations out there that can offer faith, hope and especially love to the general public. How do Christian's stand out? Why would the public choose to run to the church or to christians instead?

I have been asking God why is the church so superficial these days. I have been asking God why are my friends finding more love, acceptance, honesty, transperency from their workmates, schoolmates, sportmates than they do in their churchmates. I have been asking God why are Christians behaving so "unchristian" (if I may use that term). I have been asking God why are my christian friends so tired of serving, so frustrated with the ministry and with the people. I have been asking God why relationships between christians can sometimes bring so much disunity, heartbreak instead of harmony and unity.There are more disagreements and bickering amongst christians then they are within a corporate organisation. I have been asking God why is the christianity that is churned out by the church today so unappealing, unfulling, irrelevant and superficial even to the once very highly strung christian. God is teaching me to how to be an authentic Christian. god is teaching me not to be judgemental.God is teaching me greatly how to understand my peers. God is teaching me painstakingly not to be a cliche-ridden Christian. God is teaching me that sometimes Christian ministry can be a distraction from really the whole essence of the Jesus ministry - one that invests in lives, one that cares about that one lost sheep, one that is so intentional in people NOT in the cares of a super sized ministry position.

It is only when we find our "true source" that we can experience this real faith, real hope and real love. For Christians, let us not be superficial in our outworkings of these. The way we live is important. The way we live is significant especially so to those around us. People are watching us. They need to spot the difference. Are we offering them something they cannot get except through the knowledge of Jesus Christ? Let us be authentic Christians not just authentic people!

Know who God is. Know who HE is. Have a Jesus driven ministry..Be that difference - that salt and that light that He so made us to be!

Rejoice because God still chose to use everyone one of us though we are all "not quite there" yet. Yes, we have hang ups but God still chose us to make disciples of this nation! Just shows what kind of GREAT God we have doesn't it?

I thank the Lord for restoring in me a quiet and a gentle spirit these past few days - wow, what a significant moment. I have it back Lord. Thank you.

My friend Joanne entered this song in her blog entry and I find that is such a good meditation for all of us who are in this journey, who are goin through rough patches, who are questioning and wrestling, who feel that no one understands us or who are joyful and thankful ...

It goes like this ...

What a Friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge,
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there.