What is it all about?

Intrinsically what is it that has changed?

A big thing over table talk is one of purpose. We want to know our purpose for life so we chase after something or take some self discovery test. We want to know the purpose of our cell groups so we talk about what we can do. We want to know the purpose of discipleship so we read all we can about it.

Purpose.

For Christians, we get the textbook answer : the real meaning of life is found in God.

What exactly does that mean? How is that relevant to us? It has been so reduced to a tag line, however true it may be in substance.

But having a bright rigor and honest life before God, we find that there are different ways of looking at things. That all things are a matter of perspective. And this perspective is what determines our outlook on God, work, life and people. A theology of God, who God is to me ( the personal ) is reflected in every area of our life, whether we realise it or not. And that perspective is having a centrality in Christ at all times.

A wrestled truth is one of delighting at the cost of treasuring Christ above life itself.

Something that rests really deep within my heart this month is this cry for the generations. And my plea to this generation, as I work with young people is to know that they have one life - that's all and how to be sure not to waste it, and for them to help others not to waste their lives. To really see them, this generation make their lives count for eternity and the safeguards to not waste this one life they and I have.

In my period of searching this year, there have been very dark moments. I feel increasingly deeply I have failed miserably in many aways, and failed people I was entrusted with. I feel that fear of making mistakes have led me to holding back in many relationships, and in ministry. And that authenticity as a core value is slowly being compromised in place of the crying need in my heart to just be less vulnerable. I don't take as much risks with people, with God or with anything else. Don't know about that humble boldness for God anymore. I err on the side of caution rather than faith. I believed this week, God really ministered to me to not feel as if I am so damaged and beyond repair. I guess as damaged goods sometimes you feel you never would be able to be as effective as the designer made ones, or perhaps you just aren't good enough anymore. The real struggle I think for me is that the longer I remain in a posture of being damaged, and the longer I let the recurrence of certain things and people curb my own worth in God, I end up no longer wanting to move past them.

Some things are so deep. And, as a friend once put it, if only we have a delete button to just press, things will be so much easier.

But as my sister wrote in her blog, such things can never fester when the Holy Spirit cleanses our mind and soul with His sanctifying touch, hence every day is a day to kneel at the cross again.

And really, I am learning that true healing is reflected in a willingness to be vulnerable again....and with that perspective because of His touch, I can take small steps again in this journey because of Christ.

God has been speaking to me in my dire state this past two weeks about my own life. Don't waste it - you only have one life and realising it is a passionate call that I had to own for myself, not just my dream for the generation of youths today. Then, you see who God is to you. And we think of God as the creator God, then looking at His Word which clearly spells out that He as the creator God , created us to live with a single passion.

John Piper wrote that God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is a life without passion.

It is a quote that I read while I was in Las Pasmas when I first pick up this book he wrote, and I reminded as I was on ship reading it, that transform my heart to really want to make a difference with what I have including giving up my comfort of the ideal life, and instead to die boasting the cross of Christ. I came back to London that year, and I gave as much as I could in finishing my exams, and then prayed for God to lead me on...and one year on, here I am reminded that if I want to pursue Christ, there are certain RISKS and COSTS for the sake of righteousness and authenticiy and for the cause.

Today, I think personally I can't just talk about purpose without taking it along with true authentic discipleship of living life with a passion of knowing Christ, and let that knowledge of who He is determine every move I make, every friendship I have and every career I embark on.

Authentic discipleship helps us to see the passion and excitement of living lives fully devoted to Jesus - and this package comes with a whole load of failures that will lead to brokenness, which will result in the deeper work of God in our lives as He moulds us increasingly no matter how difficult times may be. Seeing this as the GOOD HAND of God at work..

So this is life....and the Lord is still the great teacher, and we are forever holding that L ( Learner's) Plate.