2005 so far...

We usher in the second last weekend of January today. Being swept like the wind, my hours and minutes seem to have come and gone. I must admit that I havent had the slightest time to sit down and reflect as much. I miss it tremendously. I miss my cell group and my church because those are the very places that births the very essence of my thoughts. What is it about being back in London that has taken that very flavour of reflection away from my soul or was it just the hype or the pace of life here that doesnt permit such time?

The answer lies in this thing called "challenges". Life's challenges are far greater for me here. I think most times I am thrust into situations, encapsulated in the things I have to do that there is a danger of loosing who I really am. Its time to be honest. A reflective life sums up the life I hold true to. I have been very stressed ( this is the honest me!) and havent been able to say it cos most times when I say I am stressed, i get a certain kind of look and also perhaps I've been trying to deny it. But like a friend reminded me, denial is like a river running through egypt!! (figure out what that means ok?) When did I discover and realised I needed a breather and some time on my own?

2 days ago, it was the coldest day ever, my mom had just left London and I was bound for a day out in Milton Keynes. God spoke to me when I was sitting in Pret a Manger while waiting for my hot chocolate and chocolate croissant!! That 5 minutes was like WOW! That very night and the day after, my heart grew very very tender - a tenderness for God and for people beyond my understanding. Something deep within my heart happened and stirred in me tears, cries of desperation out to the Lord and pouring out everything in me in surrender to Him. I finally broke down. I finally realised that I was totally stressed. I was loosing myself. I was not thinking straight. My focus was somewhat blurry. At first, I din understand my emotions or the tears. Then I found my answer, I was dancing again with the Lord of the Dance...I was not sitting this dance out no more! If we dance, we may step on his toes, he may step on ours. We amy stumble or rub others the wrong way. We may fall on our faces and make fools of ourselves. People may talk, may avoid us or even ridicule us. I feared those things. And in that I chose to sit out. I chose to be safe in my seat along the wall. I don't have to worry. But I missed out on the dance!

Fear was a big reason. Deep within me 2005 was going to be the most challenging year for me thus far. So much to do, so much to go through, so much to move on from, so much more trusting in the Lord...My fears ranged from the fear of the attention it would bring - perhaps the criticism of my dance :P Fear of the embarassment and possible enstrangement. Fear of not being able to be in control of my life, career, future. Fear of being led to places that would be uncomfortable, even painful.

2 things I learnt from the divine imagery and encounter with my Lord :
1. that perfect love casts out fear
2. and that I would rather dance poorly with Jesus than sit perfectly with anyone else.

I wasn't worried about the techniques or mastering the skills of the dance nor was I going to be caught up with the busy schedule of dance classes or rushing from thing to another...The Lord of the Dance is the initiator - He asked me for a dance and has been asking me everyday....and some days I have sat it out but not today. Would you rather dance poorly with the Lord of the Dance or sit perfectly with anyone else?

This statement really caught my attention yesterday "Life is always full of challenges, many unexpected challenges which one has to be ready for always." (Kenny Gan) He reminds me also that there are other challenges when things seems to be going right. The enemy is never idle. He is there prowling like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Praise God the enemy have a false teeth that couldn't bite too hard and never hurt too deep! The daily grind is never too hard for the Lord to handle and He is always there to help us carry the load.

I am away this weekend and had a determined in my heart for a time of solitude with myself and my Lord. I sought His refuge and shelter...and I was back at my safe place. Doing nothing , allows the God is so crazily in love with me to do so much in me! I regained my joy and am free again to dance! I regained my joy and today, my life takes it on...my heart is tender and free....my fears are no longer there...my passion to serve the Lord is now coupled with a renewed fervour and anointing from above....and I know this because God, you take control of my life...and you are in control right now, and you are the God who is!

For all of us, it is so important to remember that we are stuck with God!

Don't run away...even the times when you are unbearable, where your best friend gives up on you, the times where you are the most irritable person in the world, the times where you are so misunderstood, the times where there is no where else to go...

Let me encourage you, the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever...You are stuck with Him. He won't let you go. He didn't let me go.

This song speaks about me, everything about me ....it may be a song that speaks about you too ...and it may just be God's assurance and affirmation to us!

Unspoken For

Take this world from me
I don't need it anymore
I am finally free
My heart is spoken for

Oh and I praise you
Oh and I worship you...

Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

Now I have a peace
I've never known before
I find myself complete
My heart is spoken for

Oh and I praise you
Oh and I worship you...

Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

By the power of the cross
You've taken what was lost
And made it fully yours
And I have been redeemed
By you that spoke to me
Now I am spoken for

Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

Take this world from me
Don't need it anymore..

Keep dancing my dear friends...